Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
