Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
