Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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