then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize