He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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