worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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