Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
