How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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