...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize