jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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