he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
