it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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