Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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