Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize