make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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