i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
