I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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