I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
