Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
