This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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