did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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