My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
