carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
