Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
