i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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