I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
