he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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