i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
