quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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