Pass out mid-funnel last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
