We named our party play list daddy issues
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
