can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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