You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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