I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
