Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
