I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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