you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
