YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
