Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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