i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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