I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
