What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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