I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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