my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize