Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
high people should be assigned attendants
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
