he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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