He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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