:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
