You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
