Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
