So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
