took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
how does that bad decision feel?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
