I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
