I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
