turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
