I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
