new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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