I CAN MOONWALK!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
