we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
