She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
