she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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