does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
