They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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