I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
