Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
operation have a gay friend backfired
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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