I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have post one night stand depression
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
