Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
