You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my poor anus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
